the next time

The sun is breaking us down
into primary colors
The winds are throwing us
into one another
It's the end of the world
so why are you whispering?
You gave me rhythm
you gave me hope
I got too close
you took them away
What I wanted from you
was a simple blessing
and calm reassurance
What you needed from me
took too much time to figure out
The next time
you break me in half
I'll try to remember
we're just friends playing a game
The next time
you smile at me
I'll think about
letting you win

The sun is showing me the truth
I am a pagan under its spell
The winds are throwing
the answers around
Take me with you when you go
gag me, bind me
stuff me deep in your dirty pocket
In the darkness
your voice is reassuring
The days are getting longer
It makes me wonder
what I'll do without you
You can visit me
stroke the turmoil under my skin
laugh with me
remind me with your naked eyes
why I've been such a fool.

this new world

Everyone is a little bit fragile
everyone is feeling
blank today
I'm not sure
what you want from me
but I know it's just a matter of time
before you take it away
I see you standing there
capable, strong
and so unwilling to give
Do you see me here
struggling under
this mountain of hate?
What good I have
is so small
but you're fixed on it
you want to take it away
The snow is melting now
Poking up
through the disaster of winter
is new growth, fresh promise
But you, brother,
are busy filling your tanks
with agent orange
Do you wish for everyone to bleed
as you walk above the fray?

Everyone is a little bit fragile
everyone is feeling
broken and stunned
I pray for healing
I ask for hope
but you offer condescension
and the party line
Nothing is keeping me here
but this mountain of hate
No one is calling me out
because they know I can't play
In this new world
brothers are adversaries
good friends are foes
and we've all become oblivious
to the hate machines
bearing down on us
I pray we have time
I hope for peace
but the faces in the hate machines
look so fucking smug.

normal

My imagination returns me to the top of the mountain. I've been climbing, struggling, sweating a cold sweat. I've reached the top. Out of breath, I circle wildly. My heart pounds, my head explodes with endorphins. The world is displayed under and around me. As my face contorts with pleasure, I dimly realize I am completely alone.

All I ever wanted
was to take you with me
to share the same view
to breathe the same air
to be struck
by the sun and the rain together
You and I are a whole
Without you
I am hollow, incomplete
My love letters to you
reek of distance and pain
What I want is so simple
Have you ever wanted something
so fucking bad
it seems so close, so possible
but you never quite get it?
That's you and me
These pages have become a repository
for suicide notes
for prayers
to a faraway God
for anyone who will listen
for someone to staunch the bleeding

What I want is to be normal
sane and oblivious
but sanity looks like madness these days
So I'll spend my time
with the filthy, the reprobate
because they already know
we're all just headed
for the big disappointment.