versus

I ran my whole life
but you caught up to me
looked you in the eye
but you saw right through me
Madness
my old friend
where have you been
you've finally got me cornered
in this safe place
this shaded room
so immune from the world
You took a back road
a shortcut to the back of my skull
Here you are
and here I am
weak but aware of you
rising in my spine
All of my vices are comical
in this moment
What you've done
is breach every defense
Now that I can feel your
stink on me
can you feel me
wrapping my hate around you?
Bitter bile and ceaseless watchfulness
are my only weapons
If you rage through my veins
I will inject them with bleach
I will cauterize
and eat pain every day
until you are immobilized, retreating
dead and defeated.

dear kate

Dear Kate
my new life here
isn't as much fun
as I thought it would be
I drink too much
and talk too little
I keep thinking
I'm going to wake up
and you'll be coming back
I keep thinking
you can set me straight
The sunlight hurts my eyes
and bars aren't my scene
You know me
I'm on a short leash
and the bootleg is always
within arm's reach
Too many young girls
are talking too much shit
and I can't decipher it all
I missed a few classes
of drunk girls 101
not that girls ever made much sense
I'm too old
and too immune to all of that
I'd rather soak myself
in gasoline
until I'm squeaky clean
until I'm ready
until I'm able
to face the world
without you.

fucking on film

You're the girl
with the chemical eyes
I'm the guy
with the pitiful disguise
You're the girl I've seen
talking shit to your friends
by the cigarette machine
I'm the guy
who's just trying to stay
out of your way
Minding my own business
has become a mantra
but no one is making it easy for me
Girls like you
shred my defenses
girls like you
wander so far from home
Fifteen and pierced
sixteen with tats
seventeen and high
eighteen going on thirty five
Every day is an explosion
with every breath you reload
the only thing left
is fucking on film

My confession:
I've had a girl like you
I can still taste
her cigarette lips
When she wanted to destroy us
when she was so confused
and so over me
I held on
when she kept me at arm's length
I refused to quit
when she was quitting me

The moon laughed
as I tried to walk off the pain
Into the night I drilled
and into a new world
I was born:
aching, wandering, tenacious
So I have to know
is it fear I feel
when I'm around you?
is it fear for myself or fear for you?
Not every Little Girl Lost
gets found.