stand with me

These words I have
are the only thing I control
maybe now you realize
the reason for my tight grasp
maybe now you see
why my anxiety multiplies every night
I need you to hear me
and this is the only way
It is a weak and cowardly act,
this convenient conveyance
Do you think less of me now?
Here, I build myself up
here, I tear myself down
this exercise, this discipline--
it is my only explanation
Maybe now you see the reason
for the vagueness
I name myself as the only guilty party
all others just play on my stage
There is no reason
to involve the innocent and unsuspecting
Where will this end?
it ends with me
As long as I persist
there will be these cryptic scrawlings
laying in my wake
I keep promising myself
no more hard luck stories
no more plagiarized lyrics
no more fucking songs about girls
but I never was good
at keeping promises
They say write what you know
I hope someday
these pages won't drip with misery
and that someday
they'll be seen for what they are--
simple words from a simple man
What lies beneath my skin
what pulses in my veins
what causes the blackouts
the electrical storms in my brain?
This regimen will uncover it
there is a way to know
and I will find it
I own these words
they are mine
In a world of parasitic treachery
this is all I have
Maybe now you understand
the reason for my tight grasp
maybe now you believe
that I'm telling the truth
So many things are stacked against me
will you stand with me?