in this quiet room

A thousand things to say
but no one listening
a thousand things to do
but you can't fight this sickness
in your bones
You've become weak
but your fire is a constant
When you speak
it seeps out to ignite the world
Full of blasphemy,
filled with rage
you penetrate
you gather your stones
Naked energy is a lie--
you have to know what you're fighting
one man cannot stand
against this dying world
Shouting inside,
eyes like embers
you lay in wait for the kill
Someday the music will stop
someday we'll all fall down
but who can help me
put out this consuming flame?
I abandoned your rhetoric
I took my own path
loneliness taught me things
that you will never know
Lurking in your shuttered head
the shadows that you
never think about
are the most dangerous ones of all
They are the betrayal
that you never see coming
they are the ones who never speak
and they know every word
you've ever said
Those shadows
are the hardest ones to kill
they are the last denial
they hide what you refuse to know
Sitting here in this quiet room
you can feel them move
you can hear them breathe
your silence is penetrated
by a thousand wayward voices
finally being heard.

tomorrow isn't waiting

I'm looking for a thrill
that isn't even there
How pathetic is that,
how pathetic am I?
Eyes closed tight
and ears burned out
I'm walking a tightrope
for no reason at all
We all have to feel alive
otherwise, what's the point?
but I've taken these daredevil games
to ridiculous heights
I wager with myself
with the sun above
the devil and everyone in between
I can come out clean
from this dirty experiment
You don't believe me and
I don't believe myself
but it's better than watching your tv
better than idle talk
better than wasted thoughts--
time spent and nothing gained
I don't want to come to the end
and know I wasn't done
I don't want to wait
because tomorrow isn't waiting for me
Grab, while you have the power in you
hold on,
while the world rushes by.

far from this

We are no longer divine
I've put so much doubt in your eyes
I see it every time you look at me
I've cut myself so many times
scars have become my only friends
The words come so easily
when you're not around
but when I see you
they run in fear
How can I make you believe in me
when I don't even believe myself?
Please, please
hang on to me
I think we're in for a wild ride
We can drive until our eyes bleed
let the moonlight saturate
and heal us
Let's keep running
so no one will find us
The more we run
the less we need
You know it's true in your core
this place has blighted us
kept us safely insane
I want to turn your key
feel your pistons pulling us
into the night
and far from this living death.

writing in the dark

I just want something
hot and sweaty
lips and hips
pressed into mine
I want the rage of the ocean
the hate of a hail storm
I want my life to be
gathered stones
thrown with precision
Give me an objective
give me something
anything
What good is rhyme
when there is no reason
I have courage
but I'm almost out of hope
I have tenacity
but I'm finding it hard to cope
What's your name again?
I know I'll forget
I've broken so many ties
and I cannot repent
I'm down to so few faces
what's one more?
Tell me everything will be okay
someday I might believe you
Tell me to hold on
help is on the way
like I haven't heard that one before
Play me another song
turn another page
begin the quickening
it starts here
small and quiet
it takes root tomorrow
and it's up to me
to keep it alive
Where is the hope
in a drowning world?
You'd better believe
that what you've got
not only floats
but is bulletproof, fireproof
can withstand decay
and your neighbor's thieving heart
Hold on
because what you have
is what everyone really needs.

endless shadowboxing

These daydreams have made you weak
like the last day of school
the last game
the final test
If it was up to you
you would never leave
but reality cannot be ignored for long
This brief respite
cannot repair you in time
for the next miserable failure
If you say her name enough
the magic door will open
if you practice your lines
you might not lose face
We all want to be free men
we all need a measure of respect
but no one wants a cheap handout
no one wants the easy thrill
There is no excuse
for my criminal mind
I have wounded it, won it over
with chains and fetters of iron
In this controversy
who will stand in judgment?
who will explain the cause
for my endless shadowboxing
for the fantasies that seize me
the thoughts that free me
the mirror that reveals me
for this vain glory that I have attained?
I am ready now
and I'd like some answers
I have shredded your pages
looking for the reasons--
reasons why I can't
seem to let go
why I can't fathom moving on
Something very wrong
has been drilled into me
something that I need
has been taken from me
I'm not simply banged up a little
I'm officially non-functioning
What has it taken
to get me to this place
how many names, how many faces
tried to pull me the other way?
I was blinded
by clever half-truths and simple vanity
by her open mouth
her doll-like features
images flashing on naked nerves
penetrating, subjugating
laying in wait
to betray me another day.