no big secret

Holding on to life so tightly
can render
so many blisters
Holding on to matters
can make them matter too much
I've been going the wrong way
down a one-way street
I don't care
see me laughing
at everyone I meet?
see me jeering
and grinding my teeth?
I'm unrestrained and unrehearsed
practically newborn
with a wicked thirst for hurt
I used to think
I was only punishing myself
proud of my insulated mayhem
I owned such reprehensible deeds
Never did it occur to me
what a worry machine you had become
My benders
my ups and downs
my down and outs
all the running away
all the distractions
must have bled your sympathy dry
I bet you thought
I'd never want to change
you thought
I'd never find myself here
begging for another shot
Here I am
staring my demons in the eye
fully aware of my perilous state
and finally aware
that it is no big secret.