graduation

I want music to sound
the way I feel inside
I want reverberation
I want noise
Let me show you what I mean
You can chase
the shadows that still wander
those Nebraska dirt roads
Blaupunkt, Metallica's black album
Guttermouth, AFI
So close to free
packed like dynamite
ready for anything
destined for nothing
If I knew all of this
would I still
make the same mistakes
would I still
handle the same snakes
If people make pictures interesting
then where am I in this one
Bad Religion was the soundtrack of high school
and Very Proud of Ya saved my life
one awful summer

You were there
before the storm came
you spoke peace
into my burning ears
Caffeine, 1-800-OHIO
You and I were instantly inseparable
it's hard to understand
the sugar, the adrenaline
the hope I poured into you
Late nights, cops at the window
deserted streets
kids behaving like kids
what a backdrop
but you and I were so sure
Relentlessly I fought for you
wickedly you drew me in
You saw the places
you tasted the air
tell me you can feel it
the lingering despair
There are no rules
there never were
just you and me
feeling for each other
beyond our collapsing dreams.

remember me

It's springtime
but it doesn't feel like it
It's always hard
to see people go
so says the eternal loner
the man without a cellphone
Even stranger
to see the old faces
peering in on the remnants of me
Here I am
slowly dissolving
how's it been
you look good
I can't wait to get home
get drunk
piss out the anxiety
ammonia and misery
Let me erase
let me forget
No, you won't let me
you won't walk away
until you make sure I remember
(like I could ever forget)
Just let me slip into the water
I am an ancient creature
the same as I've always been
My father always said
I've never changed
That may be
but now I'm staring at an empty street
I feel fine
and that's alarming
Why don't I feel torn up, tormented
God knows
I've put in my time
why do you get to walk away
while I vibrate and chafe
This unnerving apathy
is what's bothering me
Nothing seems to matter
just surviving and carrying on
I am a soldier intent on getting home
but home is a device found in fairy tales
So as you're leaving this town
take a look back
remember me as I am
because the next few years
will not be kind to me
If you feel anything for me
now is the time to say it
because someone is freezing my assets
shutting off the lights
and is calling my name
at the end of a dark corridor
I know the drill
but I'm the last one to leave
Let me have these silent moments

Without the noise
I can actually feel myself
giving up.

what about tomorrow

Am I going through withdrawal
is there something I'm missing
The lights are on
but I'm clawing through darkness
If Samiam is a healthy thing
then there's not enough of it
In this moment
nothing can hold me together
nothing can make me well
The sun has left us
shadows have shifted
plans were laid
desire has drifted
Here we stand
enemies and lovers
I lean on you
but you're cutting me down

Fugazi was my first show
Do you remember the way we were
all the kids
skunk and cigarettes
rising from the crowd
Ian's tirades
Guy's sinews
and an opening band we'll never forget
Ticket stubs and memories
cannot help us now
You've got a monkey on your back
I have twelve

Do you remember the summer heat
No Substance tour
Bad Religion at the Blind Pig
fan boys
Don and Ava
you and I in the first row
fighting for Bobby's drumsticks
another opener, Squatweiler
and all the "songs about kicking ass"
You were with me in the cafe
when I felt so odd
You were with me in the parking garage
when the sun was going down
Sometimes I think
you've always been there
How can you know me so well

Do you remember
of course you do
Pat Benatar in the park
John Rae in full effect
Rollins Band in Toledo
fucking Squatweiler opening again
What a murderous show
sweat falling like rain from a black ceiling
I just want to
do it all again
Don't fight me
don't get in my way

This is the way we'll always be
two souls blinking in the night
deprived of sleep
pounding with rhythm
Will you be with me
when the next band plays
when the night wears on
when it's time
to shed your sweaty skin
and make haste to your place
of peace and slumber
I hope you remember us
as imperfectly as I do
all the miles
all the nights
forget all the fights
We are the answer to the question
what about tomorrow?