begin again

You bred me to be hard
cauterized my exterior
disciplined me with rigor
planted in me integrity
and cultivated in me a wilfulness
that exceeds the limits of my body

with great wonder
I realize you've loosed me
into a world much my enemy
for what purpose?
to refine me?
to keep me close?
to break me?

I have thirsted for you
since my life began
sought you out in every dark corner
you raised me to see
the world so differently
created me this way

in the coldest nights
I felt your warmth
in my lowest moments
you sustained me
when I lost faith in myself
you recompensed my loss

I have Jonah in my veins
stubborn and strong
I have resisted and persisted
to my own destruction

when I found
the end of myself
you were there
to help me begin again.