the healing

The healing
is clots and pus
and dirty books
It is grotesque
best done in secret
If I am broken
will you cover me?
If I am stolen
will you recover me?

The eyes in the dark
know nothing at all
they can't feel the disease
the sickness flowing through me
They can't taste
the acid on my tongue
All I am is burning hate
today, tomorrow and forever
But fuck forever--
forever is a fairy tale construct
fuck you and forever
I am standing here now
calling on the wind and the rain
to overcome me
to wrap me up in darkness
shell me all night
and feed me breakfast
take from me what you want
I am the backseat vagabond
content with the sky flying by
muffled voices in the darkness
and always clinging
to a sick hope
that this is all a bad dream
and that I'm only moments away
from waking the fuck up

I am tenacious
but my body is a place
where pain likes to brood
and multiply
I can hear the driver
speaking to no one in particular
I can hear my heart racing
but for no good reason

It's just me
and the night
watching one another
breathing one another in
and waiting for the sunrise
to tear us apart
As a boy on 8th street
I feared those dark basement steps
but now I need the blackness
to feel whole
to feel perfect
to feel no pain.

a new thing

Ground down and
burned out again
I keep wondering
when this is going to end
Eyes full of dust
and joints full of rust
I keep doing
what I think I must

How can I change my attitude
how can I keep my thoughts in line
when I have to swallow
such contempt, such hate
day after day?
I didn't pay to ride this train
so don't take my fucking picture
I didn't ask for your opinion
and you sure as hell
didn't ask for mine
I've gone beyond the point
where I can fight
just to get through the day
Now I'm just wondering
why there's nothing left for me--
just hungry mouths
lazy stomachs
asking for more

Everyone wants something
but I've cut myself so deep
so many times
I've rid myself of so much desire
that now I have become
inert, unfeeling, bored
So in this speck of time
this lonely moment in history
if you have the noise I'm missing
if you are out there
and you feel my need
then pour your sex
into my soul
bring me to my knees
with your love
shame me
with your power
destroy me
as I writhe on the floor
break me
til I bleed out the confusion
Overshadow and breed in me
a new thing.

queen of the 21st century (bad religion)

From the time
she could crawl
She was all
draped in macrame'
She was preened
and redeemed
In a church
that tried to show the way
She was taught to never ask for more
They had no idea of what she had in store

She's the queen of the 21st century
Just a ghost of what her parents thought a little girl should be
Analog heart, analog nerves, analog brain
But a fixture of the digital domain

From the time
she could read
She could see
that there was urgency
No debate
just a spate
of ignorance in a splintering community
She could never meet their expectations
Then she came to symbolize the nation

She's the queen of the 21st century
Just a shell of what her parents thought a little girl should be
Steeped in spite, coddled in fear, drenched in novelty
Oh but masterful of sensual technology

She's the queen
No rules in her empire
She's the queen
Just libido and desire
She's a lean, mean fighting machine
The stuff for modern media lore
And she always knows the score

She's the queen of the 21st century
Just a ghost of what her parents thought a little girl should be
Fallen star, black and blue, broken hearts, wasted youth
Rusted cars, twisted roots, mental scars, the ugly truth

She's the queen of the 21st century
And she's a modern day romantic, a walking controversy
She's the queen of the 21st century
She's the queen

salvation army rejects

Your open closet
is a testament
to a world lost
but not forgotten
Records on vinyl--
Elvis Costello, Guttermouth,
John Denver, Bruce Springsteen,
and Hank Williams
They are shadows
stuck to us
memories full of pop and hiss
Salvation Army rejects
parts of our souls
lost and packed away
Well I for one
cry for revolution
of music abandoned
music restrained, music contained
Follow the songs
flip them gently
they are a pied piper
Whatever you want
you will find
just follow the fever
in your mind
What you need
you will find here
laid away
for a rainy day.

cats in the hall

That's me with the six pack
down on the corner
of Wooster and Main
late at night
with the kids running wild
waiting for the light to change
so close to home
so far away
but only myself to blame
All I needed
was a sound system
and a little release
all I wanted
was everything
beyond the end of the street
Mike told it
John Rae lived it
we all wanted it
on the balcony
in the pouring rain
Such shit-talking
cigarette smoking
noisy peace
Beyond this
what do you have?
Beyond this moment
what exists?
This is it--
you and the night, the voices
the music and the rain
Tomorrow would be perfect
if you could do it again.

some sort of salvation

Sweat drips off me
into the mouth
of the dry, baking ground
it soaks into my shirt
my socks
and everything in between
It is a cruel sun
looking over me
and there is the ever-present knowledge
that I can't compete
What is the point of this?
I stink under the sun
for what?
Some sort of salvation?
If it could be found
then why couldn't I find it before?
I can't maneuver
around the questions anymore
I can't fight
the good fight anymore
but not trying is out of the question
I have to fill in the blanks
or something nameless,
something insidious takes over
If you see me
trying but failing
you have to know
this is not the end
I am broken
but not forever
I am wounded
but I'm on the mend
I will fill the thirst beneath me
I will run until
my pain subsides

There are those
who will rise to strangle me
I will rise above
they will be here tomorrow
to try again
Wait for me
meet me beyond this dying ground
There, at the end of the street
do you see me
under those sodium lights?
You can catch me if you try
but not today, not tomorrow
Wait until the rain comes down
breathe me in
feel me soaking into your pores
Remember me
and the cacophony that I was--
such naked hate, naked heat, naked noise
It's no wonder I ran
so far away
Here, I am still waiting
for the final word
the thunderclap to end it all
You and I
are forever fused
under these lights
blisters filling our shoes with blood
hating and breathing hate
and always headed toward
some distant finish line.