stitched

I've noticed some things
in the morning light
some things
I didn't catch last night:
beer bottles by the sink
discarded clothes
your panties on my nightstand
my shirt inside-out
everything a little disheveled
unshaved in the mirror
I can't hide my amusement

we've been braided like this
for so long
I feel what you feel
and you bleed it back to me
we are stitched together
by greater hands than these
my body fails me
these hands are rude and cruel
but you feel my heart through them
speaking right through

you've memorized your lines
like I asked you to
repeated them on time
locked me in
to your little world
told me to go nowhere
to think nothing
outside of here
and I did
what I was told to do
put myself right inside of you

I used to think
I could handle the danger
of life without you
but you know
I'd be a fool
to embrace anyone but you

that's the nature of addiction
you and I both know
I could never leave
and if I did
I would only
look for another one like you.

thousand-yard stare

The drugs have failed me
the night has penetrated me
and you are so far away
I am wrapped up in fear and shame
and everything unprofitable
those eyes in the mirror
I refuse to recognize as mine
chronic insomnia
brought on by chronic depression
has robbed me of any sense of myself
I exist and I persist
simply by force of habit
the end cannot come soon enough
the layers of my life
you can peel back like an onion
trauma upon trauma
has smothered me
I have retreated
to the dark core
and there I wait
for some sort of reprieve

these lines I write today
but it feels like
I've tattooed my flesh with them
a thousand times
I am a man
I am a miracle
I am alive
but I do not exist
there it is--
the dichotomy of being me

I know what I must do
to escape this prison
but I fear launching myself
into another, and worse
my faith is small
and my energy is meager
but big things can grow
out of these humble seeds

today I wait and rest
tomorrow I resist
this is what I need--
to fight and to fight and to fight
my battle is not yours
I don't expect you to understand
but I won't turn you down
if you want to lend a hand.

you (bad religion cover by emily davis and the somebodies)

*This song was mostly written by Brett, I believe.  I think he's the only one bold enough (silly enough?) to steal Beatles lyrics.  From the album No Control, one of Bad Religion's angriest.  This cover (and video) is incredibly well done.*

There's a place where everyone can be happy
it's the most beautiful place in the whole fuckin world
it's made of candy canes and planes and bright-red choo-choo trains
and the meanest little boys the most innocent little girls

and you know 

I wish that I could go there
it's a road that I have not found
and I wish you the best of luck, dear
drop a card or letter to my side of town

cause there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend
but baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send
and you 

painted my entire world
but I

don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled
and I won't forget it

there's a place where everyone can be right
even though you remain determined to be opposed
admittance requires no qualifications
it's where everyone has been and where everybody goes

so please try not to be impatient for we all hate standin in line
and when the farm is good and bought
you'll be there without a thought
and eternity my friend is a long fuckin time

cause there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend
but baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send
and you

painted my entire world
but I 

don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled
and I won't forget it.