your curious chemicals

It feels like a multitude of counselors
endlessly chattering away in my skull
Is that a clever way of saying
I can't control my thoughts anymore?
I have to try
because no one else is going to
Each day I run the gamut from
radiating hate to suicidal fantasies
But under your watchful gaze
all the noise stops
You've become my most prescribed drug
Is that flattering
or frightening?
Everyone knows about my odd obsessions
they're carved in bathroom stalls
they are petty crimes
compared to the destruction
I want to do to you
I've been reading your dirty books
been taking in your dirty looks
one by one
boiling them down
mixing in feeble ego and paranoia
in dangerous proportions
and stabbing you into my veins

I tell myself I'm strong
I can stand alone
without your faithful injections
but the noise, the chattering
convince me otherwise
Your voice quiets the riot
in my sick blood
I know
you used to think
I had all the answers
You used to hold me
and my famously cocksure ways
in such high esteem
I've lived simply
never needed much
when I was cut
I never feared the blood
Now
I have panic down to a science
Now
when I come up for air
all I want to see is your face
It's become necessary
like I've got a taste for your blood
Your body is the question
mine is the answer
every cell in my body is screaming
every neuron is salivating
every line that goes through
my dull brain
reads the same
It is a bottomless craving
for your curious chemicals.