cringing in the backseat

You make me feel
like I'm falling
off the edge of the world
stable ground is a slippery slope
All I really know
is that you're laughing at me
Girls like you are open invitations
thinly veiled temptations
walking mockery
What you want
and what you need
are two different things
I'm sure I can't give you either
only in the darkness that hides me
can I really feel you
Do you know
my fingerprints are all over your car?
I inhale the pheromones
under your window
and imagine you curled in sleep
or my favorite--
sweaty and tortured
by lustful fantasies
There is no way to make you
feel small like I do
so I have to imagine you that way
imagine you broken like me
I will leave a mark
you will know I'm watching you
The crow on your shitty car
that's me
the claustrophobic feeling when you're alone
that's me
when you look in the mirror
and swear that something shrank behind you
that's me too
I'm there in the boredom of your bedroom
and cringing in the backseat
when you drive so fast
My cold hands and my numb neurons
feel for your warmth in the rain
I find you colder every time
Am I the most undaunted dopamine fiend?
I never find what I'm looking for
but that knowledge is easier
than shaking this sickness.