a small light

Don't talk to me
about keeping my cool
and never letting
anything through
Don't talk to me
about rising above
I've stared the devil in the face
spit in his eye
talked myself down
from so many ledges
kept a small light burning
because darkness cannot prevail
I have stories
even I don't understand
Fables and hopeless dreams
raised this latch-key kid
You can't blame me
for turning out strange
Your shape would be contorted
tortured and broken
if you were extruded and manhandled
by the same experiences
Hope is what keeps you sane
but waiting wears you down
Hope is tender
when you hold it in your hand
but it's bitter
when it slips though your fingers
There is a girl who reminds me
that we are just
a chaotic arrangement of atoms
Her eyes have the hope I need
but they also ask questions like

How did you get so lean?
How did you get so mean?
How do your wounds
get so clean?
Do you lick them every day?
What happens when the pain subsides
and you're left with nothing to feel?
You need something to fight
I get it
but what happens
when the war is over?

So many questions
but my lungs are burning
I'm out of breath
The day-to-day is extracting
what's left of me
So go on and steal my lyrics
you think you can handle it
go ahead and face the music
This is my voice
these are my days
I burn myself here
because I won't take this pain with me.