deconstructing the fall

A cold wind is blowing
all hallows is coming
I've seen you staring
out your bedroom window at night
What are you looking for?
If I take you out
of the equation
then there's nothing else but work
If I take myself out
then the answer is much happier
I can't control my own anxieties
so I strangle loose ends
and endless variables
We all work for mathematics
not the other way around
You don't work for me
you work for your own feral genes

Brittle leaves are knocking on your door
the tired sun
is turning a cold shoulder on me
and nothing will bring us together
I used to waste my breath
now I bide my time
I used to know the answers
now I know better
I'm not afraid of the darkness
not afraid of what the wind brings
I am afraid of boredom
and I'm definitely afraid of you
If I run
you run faster
If I sleep
you riddle my dreams
If I cough
you are the blood I taste,
the pneumonia I never got over

There is a wild scent
in the air tonight
there is a belligerence
in my nostrils tonight
I've grown
but I haven't grown up
I've been stunted and contorted
like many trees I've seen
I wish I had stayed
down by the river
wish I had never
climbed those banks
It was perfect--
the sun, the water
the little girl named Amy
What force drove me on?
What voice called me out?
Why did anything have to change?
I have a luddite soul
and I hate what we've become
People form, people rearrange
the pestilence inside stays the same
If you breathe on me
I will breathe on you
Your sins are my sins
we pass them around
and feign innocence
like we always do.