the apology

I feel sorry for you
I feel the need to apologize
After all
I am to blame
Sometimes I wish
you'd be done with me
for your own sake
sad and angry loner-types
are a hard lot to live with
I am your Heathcliff
a madman, a forever malcontent
And then there are the odd obsessions
I've been bringing home
and feasting on like delicious poison--
girls, one at a time
to drive us both insane
I've said too much
and am determined to clean up my messes
In my own defense
these twisted, unlike-me thoughts
have crawled out of a morass
of loneliness and desperation
Laughable situations and silly girls
are strangely serious and imposing
It's like waking up one day
and seeing that the rules have changed
you are no longer in charge
So here it is--
the apology
I don't know what's come over me
Is it some sort of disease?
Someday I'll know
what's turned me inside-out
someday I'll find myself
clothed and in my right mind
but right now
with the interrogation lights in the eyes
I can't imagine tomorrow
or the horrors beyond it
without you near
without your hot hand in mine
What you should do
is crush me like a cockroach
What you should do
is put an end to the nonsense
I hope you think twice
and spare me
not for the sake of my diseased core
but in hopes of a cure
I've gotten into trouble
it's true
Your dreams are informers
my dreams are liars
and they're leading us astray
my hope is that someday soon
we'll both wake up.