whispering goodbye

There is nothing but treachery
in this neither world,
this space between reality and dreams
I bleed out my colors here
my cells have lost their structure
they've ruptured
and I bathe in everything
I've ever denied
Your face is just a shadow
it never mattered anyway
you're just a type,
a cut-out, an idol, a talisman
You can't stand the fact
that I'm throwing you away
so you soak me in your magic,
your sticky dew
Your soft parts, your hard parts
call out to me
Your siren wail is calculating and perfect
I imagine writhing with you
enraptured, engulfed by you
and you furiously texting
looking away when my eyes close
closing your eyes when mine open
always two seconds ahead
and eternally unaware of the brilliance
of my words
and how impatiently you stamped out
my well-crafted jokes
It is a perfect place to meet you,
this neither place
because even here
you are an impossible puzzle

This era of my great mistake
is coming to a close
I feel you dying inside of me
I did this--
created every line that was never said
spawned every evil notion about you
drew in the margins of your dirty book
shaded you every color
tweaked your contrast
enlarged your eyes
bled myself into your mouth
and kept you naked and scared
all for myself
Don't you see
it's not what you have
it's what I lack that's festering
between us
When my sin abounds
you are there to soak up the blows
to hold in the tears
and only ask for more
You are a wicked animal
I am your creator
holding the knife to your throat
and whispering goodbye.