quietly, like drowning

I've given up
many evils
the ones that remain
remain strong
A vice can take you over
a vice can make you small
Am I a child
to be punished by my own actions?
It is a strangely safe thing
to repeat a mistake
to crave a mistake
to live a mistake
It is the epitome of unrewarding
so why do I do it?
It's better than
sitting still
being bored
watching television
always thinking about it
always wanting it
To kill desire
is to kill yourself
I consider these deadly actions
strangely life-affirming
Sure,
I'd be better off
without these chemical lusts
but would I live in a home
without a fire?
Would I make love
without desire?
Life is a series
of hard questions
I have a propensity to cheat
Let me write the questions
let me fill in the blanks
With all the noise in my head
I barely know my own name
and I've nearly forgotten
where I've come from
These stories all end the same--
quietly, like drowning.